


against the current

by roulesamsa



Category: K-pop, Original Work, Tokyo Mew Mew
Genre: Dark Comedy, F/F, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Original work - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Stand alone work, idol cameos to come, lapslock, neurodivergent character, no 'bury your gays', transgender character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-07-11 10:30:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7044733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roulesamsa/pseuds/roulesamsa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>roi samsonov isn't good with a lot of things, some of them being: 'math', 'communication skills', 'leading a group of people', and 'getting flung into a situation that forced them fight monsters that could kill them easily". </p><p>too bad the person who kidnapped them, and then forced them to fight said monsters doesn't know about that last one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1 (the metamorphosis of roi samsonov)

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first work on ao3, so i'm a little new to some of the features. this has been worked on for 3 months, with several changes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok so somehow i deleted the first chapter by accident while deleting the prologue (bc it was really pretenious and out of place)/never posted it???? so here we go 
> 
> notes 
> 
> -there are no tokyo mew mew characters in this, it just uses basic concepts from it  
> -all the main idol characters in this are based on real idols, but use different names. however idols with their names intact will appear
> 
> ALSO as of august 26th 2016 theres a 8tracks mix here https://8tracks.com/yoiko-yokochou/against-the-current

according to the police, i had disappeared off of the face of the earth for a good two weeks, leaving no visible trail and no signs of a struggle. my case actually made national news, because my half-sister had disappeared at around the same time, sending our families into panic. i was labeled as "potentially suicidal" because of my medical past, and many armchair detectives speculated that i had kidnapped my sister in a "fit of insanity". however, after two weeks of searching, i had been found in my dorm again, like nothing had had happened. my sister was also found in her room, fast asleep.

the police concluded that i had freaked out due to stress from college, and fell into a dissociative fugue and hid away for two weeks, but that's not entirely true. however, i thought that the time, that my story would prove their point that i had lost my mind for two fucking weeks. so i lied, and said that i had no memory, and my sister said that she had ran off to protect me, which got a lot of sympathy from people who thought i was a walking time bomb with a morality pet. but i think, after all this shit has cleared up, that telling it now would be good.

heres how it all began.

i was walking to my dorm in college from the via rail station in oakville ontario on a january night, having taken the commuter rail from toronto, where i worked my two jobs, retail at best buy, and a delivery person for many restaurants in koreatown, for now. it was a brisk walk in the middle of the cold canadian winter, and i was still wearing my short sleeved work shirt, the zipper of my vintage dark green army jacket with assorted patches of bands and social causes sewed on, that was thrifted from a toronto goodwill, bouncing off my plastic name tag with a muffled ding. i wore a small dark brown backpack that i usually took with me to work on my back. i was exhausted from working retail all day, having used up all of my energy talking to people at work. all i wanted to do was go home to my dorm on campus, order chinese take out for dinner and maybe draw a little bit before sleeping so i could be wide awake for my morning animation history class, for which i usually had to drink some coffee stolen from my dormmate who was lucky enough to have gotten a coffee machine from her parents on christmas this year, or an energy drink grabbed from the common room fridge, because someone always had kept some redbull in stock.

what they don't tell you about college when you're starting to look at schools, is that you'll drink enough caffeine to make a health fanatic break out in hives.

i thought briefly about signing onto my friend sami’s video game streaming group, and start streaming a quick game on twitch for our audience of a few thousand. i was somewhat popular on his group, even though sami was the most popular, probably due to having been the first person to stream from that account and being the founder, but i was tired, and waved the idea away, because the stream would just be me slurring into a microphone and playing awfully for an hour at the most, and i had already said that i wouldn't stream as much because of college. plus, sami was now streaming full time, having quit his job in retail to stream, which was the only thing he had enjoyed doing, so he was probably streaming right now to pay for a pizza.

while deep in thought, which usually always happened with me, because my brain would pull up many things to mull over at bad times, like during a lecture or walking home at night when i could get jumped, which would cause the wheels in my brain to lurch violently forward and spin wildly, focused on many many ideas at once, i saw a dark car with blacked out windows and no license plate stalking me from a distance, like a tiger would in the jungle, or the forests of russia maybe. naturally, judging by how suspicious the car was, i felt a pang of anxiety come over me and the wheels and automations of my brain spin faster as the car continued to follow me when i continued to walk forward, and i quickly began jogging faster, and my brain tried to convince my body that the car was chasing after someone else, even though there was no one else on the sidewalks, and i was walking near the dense forest where no one could see me. when the car seemed to speed up to meet me, i felt the burn of adrenaline power me, and i started running to my dorm, which was still very far away, hoping that i was fast enough to escape from whoever was chasing me in the car.

i was not fast enough, probably because i hadn’t worked out, or ran in a while.

i felt a sharp, unbearable stab of pain go through my right shoulder blade and my vision instantly went black from the excruciating pain of whatever the material was going through the bone and flesh of my mostly bony shoulder, and i slumped to the sidewalk, losing control of my legs and scraping my elbows on the sidewalk. my last thought before i blacked out was: well, now i'm fucked.

i woke up in a comfortable feeling patch of ground to a refreshing but uncommon warmth, which confused me, because it was january in canada, when it should be freezing cold, and the overwhelming scent of festering garbage because, as i soon realized, i was laying in the garbage bags of some large red brick restaurant in the city, judging by the large skyscrapers looking down over me, with an older man dressed in a white apron and dark slacks screaming at me in a language i did not immediately recognize in my slow trudge to awareness. my nose was stuffy, and i felt exhausted and sick, like i had a fitful sleep. however i seemed to have the same clothes i wore walking from work on. suddenly, all his words became recognizable to my slow-moving brain. he was cursing me out in korean, a language i had learned while working as a delivery person in koreatown, to make it easier for me and my customers to converse, and partially because i was half korean, and wanted to connect with a part of my heritage i had usually ignored when i was younger. what the man was saying, however, wasn't as pleasant as what my customers said to me when i delivered my packages.

“find your own place to sleep, bitch!” the man yelled, and i quickly bolted out of trash i had probably been placed in and out of the short alleyway into the loud and crowded streets of a city that was most definitely not a part of toronto that i was very familiar with navigating on my own.

large signs of pretty white women models for big money luxury clothing brands that no minimum wage worker like me could afford without saving up for 3 years, music groups promoting their new albums while dressed in outfits that weren't... very fashionable now to use the nicest terms possible, blockbuster movie posters and bright signs advertising things from restaurants to salons in korean. large groups of people traveled on the sidewalks, and tall metal skyscrapers looked down over me. am i back in koreatown? i wondered about the possibility of someone kidnapping me, only to drive up an hour to toronto and throw my passed out body in the garbage of koreatown. i wouldn’t think that the people who attacked me on my walk home would dump my body in koreatown, because it isn't really a bad part of the city. but as my mind cleared the remaining sleep out of my head i realized that koreatown wasn't this big, it wasn't this big of a big chunk of toronto. how far from home was i?

luckily, the people who had kidnapped me hadn't taken my iphone 5s away from me, thank god, because i would have become a messy haired ball of rage really fast if my phone was stolen, so i consulted siri, hoping for an answer as to where i had ended up.

“siri.” i asked nervously in french, double tapping the home button. “where am i?”

it took a second for siri to calculate my location.

“you are in gangnam-gu, seoul, south korea.” siri replied, and a wave of fear and anger overcame me, soaking me in uncomfortable emotions. guess i was gonna have to miss my animation history class, and all of my classes for the foreseeable future, i concluded in rage.  
but, my anxiety asked, louder than my anger, how are you going to get back home? you don't have any money on you, other than a five dollar bill. you could be stranded here, and be forced to live on the streets forever! my anxiety was flaring up again like a bad rash on my skin, making my thoughts a whole lot worse.

i stumbled around the brightly lit city streets, trying to follow the crowds of people walking through the sidewalks of gangnam, who were staring at me with an incredulous expression on their face, trying to clear my thoughts from the muddling, all consuming darkness of my anxiety. if i couldn't remove my anxiety from my thoughts, it might start a chain reaction and i might end up having a panic attack in public. that would lead to me getting arrested, that leading to me having a permanent record for my employers to look through, which would lead to-

i stopped myself before my mind could digest it for too long, and cause me to become miserable. if i was gonna be forced to stay in seoul, i was gonna enjoy at least a bit of my journey back to canada, and try not to stress too much about things like getting arrested. fuck, i could even have a goddamn vacation for once! i walked a few blocks of storefronts, noticing the people that actually looked at me while walking by staring at me with an incredulous look on their faces, but i just shook it off, and restaurants before something in one of the shops caught my eye, and i stopped to look closer at the store. there was a lcd sign, with light pink hangul words flashing by every so often. it took my french-based mind a few seconds to translate the sign, and i squinted at it as the sign moved, messing me up.

the sign read:

“today is may 27th 2007.”

when i was in canada, it was january 16th 2016. and somehow, in some way not known to me, i went 9 years in the past… but how?? i had no recollection of anything between being attacked in present-time canada and landing in the trash in past-korea. what happened between those events? what had happened to me?

my mind’s gears halted violently in confusion and frustration, and my hands instinctively went to my army jacket’s pockets to feel the texture of the fabric as a comfort mechanism to keep me from freaking out. when my hands went into my pockets, i felt two pieces of paper and something made of metal in it among the other pieces of garbage and coins in my pockets, and i pulled them out to the light.

there was a train ticket, and a piece of loose leaf with an address, the number 304, and the name of a train station on it. along with the paper was a single golden house key.

naturally, because i had nothing to lose, i decided to follow the instructions written on the paper. it might've been leading me to a serial killer, but who cares at this point? i can take a chance! hell, maybe if he kills me, i'll just wake up in my dorm bed like nothing even happened!

with that, i walked forward quickly, passing by many blocks of the city in a blur, not bothering to look at the signs, until found myself in front of a underground entrance for a train. i took the steps down, and was surrounded with a barrage of unpleasant smells, mostly of urine, smoke, and the sickly sweet smell of festering garbage, and the dirty ground of the subway station. i quickly passed through the gates, scanning my ticket to allow me out by the benches to wait for the train. surprisingly, the train came shortly after i went past the gates, and i got on and sat down on the hard red benches on the the right side of the train. after five minutes of letting people on, the train closed its doors and lurched forward, and as the train sped to it’s destination, i noted that most of the passengers were either sleeping or incredibly drunk, so it must be late at night.

well, my brain sneered as a young drunk man began throwing up on the train’s white floors, just barely missing my feet, what could possibly go wrong?


	2. 2. (don't think i'm not all in this world)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title's from tommorow comes today by the gorillaz

well, if the address did really lead to a serial killer’s lair, this story wouldn't have been written, right?

whatever, moving on...

after getting off the train at my stop, i climbed out of the musty hole in the ground of the subway station into a residential part of seoul, with shorter buildings, flashy chain restaurant signs with bright lights and slightly less people walking on the sidewalks than before. i quietly walked the sidewalks, following the signs on large buildings, until i reached the address written on the paper.

the building that i was directed to by whoever assaulted me and threw me into the past, was a cookie cutter white apartment complex that had little to no difference to the buildings around it, with sparsely decorated balconies in the front for its residents. it wasn't the tallest building in this part of seoul, but wasn't really the shortest building either. well, i thought, at least i’m not homeless! i tried to make less attention than i probably already had done, with my dyed red hair and weird clothing sense for 2007, and entered the building, while hunched over and furry hood up, trying not to make eye contact with anyone inside, if there was anyone inside.

i can't really tell you what the lobby of the apartment looked like, other than the floor was a light orange, like the inner flesh of a peeled tangerine, and the walls seemed to be a white color from what I could tell. i managed to bump myself into the bronze colored metal doors of the elevator, clicked the weird textured button, and step back and wait. 

after a few seconds, the elevator doors opened, and i stepped inside, and on a hunch, i pressed the button for the 3rd floor. i leaned against the white walls of the small capsule rushing to the third floor, and pulled out my phone to fidget with it, and to check if anything had been changed drastically on it. nothing seemed to be wrong, my wallpaper was still of my visit to parc du mont-royal taken the fall before i left for college and all my apps were there, other than the cell signal being weaker than it was in 2016, and i was using a provider called “KT” instead of “roaming”. i tried to call my maman, but when i put my ear up to the phone, all i heard was a feminine voice telling me that ‘your call could not be completed as dialed’. every single person i called, mom, sami, max, helena, jun, my half-sister hana, her parents, my childhood friend lea, even 911 had the same response. i sighed, turning my phone off and crossing my arms, when i felt something on my elbow. i turned my arm and saw large square shaped band aids on my elbows. before i could investigate my arms further, i heard a loud mechanical ding, and the doors opened to the third floor, and i stuffed my phone back into my pocket, and i walked out of the elevator onto red carpet and halls full of doors.

i wandered the hallway, looking at the signs on the tan walls, before i found a sign in front of a wooden door that read “304”, and i grabbed the key in my pocket and opened the door slightly, and slowly entered the apartment, unsure of who was exactly in there and what their plans for me were.

the apartment living room was surprisingly not a serial killer’s blood splattered murder house, but a normal, albeit a little larger than normal, apartment with the lights off, similar to one you would see anywhere else on earth with an inhabitant. the walls were an unpainted white, and a large brown couch stood on a shaggy dark brown rug, sort of like imitation animal fur. there was a large white wooden table across from the couch, and a large bulky black CRT screen TV with what seemed to be a light grey VCR player on the bottom. a small hallway was at the back of the room, probably leading into the kitchen or bedrooms, but it was too far away to tell where it really lead.

“hello?” i asked, receiving no answer. i walked forward, and closed the door behind me. i looked around and noticed a vhs tape and a large tv remote on the table, an artifact of ancient history. i picked it up, and flipped it over, noticing a piece of tape with the words “FOR ROI SAMSONOV” written on it. alright, so whoever attacked me is now trying to make me watch either a snuff film of my family or friends getting murdered, or a video that will kill me in 7 days on a vhs 9 years in the past through some time paradox bullshit. i groaned, bracing myself as i placed the vhs tape in the vhs player, and clicked the power button. slowly, with a lot of static, the tape started up, lighting up the dark room with the bright blue screen. i sat down on the couch, and hit play on the remote.

“greetings, roi samsonov.” a young white man, with neatly styled blond hair and dark brown eyes and a posh accent appeared on the tv, folding his arms on a dark desk in front of a white wall, but the picture on the screen was not without the constant amount of distortion present with vhs tapes, and i blinked in boredom. “i’m sorry that we’ve had to meet like this.”

“‘we’ve had meet like this’” i mocked his stupid accent. “by fucking kidnapping me? by throwing me without my goddamn consent into the past?”

“you might be wondering about exactly why i’ve sent you back to 2007, and you might be even more confused as to why you are in korea as well.” the man continued, obviously undeterred by my unheard sarcastic comments. “the reason why this has happened to you is to prevent a movement caused by internal influence from an organization, that will soon swell in numbers, from taking over the world, at its source.”

“what is this, the fucking x files??” i snapped at the tv, very ready to take the vhs tape out of the tv and fling it out into the streets of seoul, hopefully to get smashed beyond recognition and then crushed further by traffic. “are you fucking kidding me? a conspiracy? what are they planning this time, mulder? are the aliens gonna colonize the planet again?”

“these internal forces want for humankind to turn on each other, destroying one another due to mistrust, so they can rule over the fertile earth and use it to further their backwards methods. they have already began to gather a small amount of supporters, and if you don't defeat them, we all as a civilization, will fall. you will fight these forces by night to prevent their infiltration, and pose as a high school student by day to infiltrate the school that their human agents are enrolled in.” the man continued, and i buried my head in my hands out of frustration of going to high school again and of all the utter bullshit he was saying. “to help you defeat this conspiracy, we have fused your dna with the dna of an amur tiger, so you can fight the forces with significantly more strength than a normal human being.”

“WHAT???” i screamed at the tv, angered and confused by the responsibility being forced onto me, and the fact that i’m now half tiger person without my consent. “YOU COULDN’T HAVE FUCKING ASKED ME BEFORE MAKING ME A HALF-TIGER HYBRID?? YOU COULD’VE TAKEN ME OUT TO COFFEE AND EXPLAINED ALL THIS SHIT BEFORE SHOOTING ME IN THE FUCKING SHOULDER, LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!!”

“be careful, roi. the agents you face in school will be sent to fight you very soon, however, you will have an advantage, because you are being trained first, and therefore, will be used to your abilities faster than they will. however, you will not be fighting alone, several people will join you in this apartment, fused with different animals as well.” the man smiled, and i felt the shock of the words he said sink in. i had been kidnapped and thrown in the past, to a time when i was about 11, which was naturally impossible, so couldn't he be right? could i really have been fused with a tiger, an animal that could kill an adult in a matter of seconds? i tried not to think about it too much, to prevent me from freaking out. “i understand that you might be upset, scared, angry even. please don't worry. i will make sure you are trained to fight these creatures, so you can save us. so you can save the world. you are not alone, please remember that.” with that, the tape flickered out.

if i hadn't been sent into the past 9 years, and hadn't shot in the shoulder with something that might have turned me into the missing link between human and amur tiger, i wouldn't have believed any word of the tape. i would have burned that tape. i would have burnt the ashes as well, and personally dumped those ashes into a landfill, and set fire to that landfill. however, i found myself staring at the tv, slowly consuming every word said by the man on the tv. i then got up, off of the couch, turned off the tv, and walked into the white hallway of the apartment, with many doors for many rooms, finding the bathroom, which was a small, green room with a white toilet, a dark brown vanity with a marble top with a sink and above the vanity was a rectangular mirror. i walked in, turned onto the light via the white light switch by the door, and looked into the mirror.

a stocky person with a tanned complexion, tired eyes, a scowl on their face, a flash of dyed bright red wavy hair that reached to their chin, flying out every direction, and two medium sized round black ears poking out of the red waves of their hair met my eyes. wait, ears? are they real? had i been walking around in public with tiger ears in clear view? is that why people were staring at me? i quickly clapped my hands in front of one cat ear, and jumped and grimaced at the loud noise, before doing the same for the other ear and jumping significantly less. well… i guess he isn't lying. i felt something warm and furry was most definitely my tail wrap around my thigh, and i adjusted my pants so my tail wasn't cramped. the thing was a faint orange in the beginning, that degraded to white towards the tip with black stripes throughout the fur, and long enough to reach a little above my ankle. i ran my fingers over the soft fur towards the end, and marveled at the feeling of both the soft fur (the closest i’ll ever get to petting a real tiger), and the fact i could feel my hand on my tail.

after discovering that what the man said about me on the tape was true, therefore making me no longer human, and something no one has seen before, i decided to walk into one of the bedrooms at the end of the corridor and go immediately to sleep, because this shocking chain of events had drained any need to eat or do much of anything except to sleep, which seemed to be the only urge i had. the bed was the only thing in the room that stood out, covered with white sheets, but other than that, the room was barely furnished, with a small, dark colored desk and chair in the corner, a white closet door that appeared to be shut tight, dark wood flooring with a dark persian rug with intricate patterns not visible in the darkness, and what appeared to be grey walls. i took my backpack off and put it on the floor, grabbed the phone charger from inside, plugged it into the wall before plugging it into the phone and watched it vibrate twice, telling me it was charging. i stripped my clothes off, and slipped into bed, pulling my sheets over myself. i was too tired and too numb to think about anything about anything, especially what had just occurred to me, and could only look at the distant waxing moon shining through the large window across my bed, before falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smoke weed every day
> 
> (my tumblr is yoiko-yokochou my twitter is @vanished420)


	3. 3 (i feel drowsy/ you make me hum when i’m near you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> song in the chapter is crush - wooah

i woke up the next day in significantly better mood and much better condition than when i woke up in the trash. i stretched slightly while laying down, before realizing where i was, and the reason why i was here in the first place. i sighed slightly in frustration, before realizing that today could possibly be a school day. i got up, and went into the bathroom to freshen up before finding out if i had to face the building of eternal suffering known as high school.

after i brushed my teeth with the toothbrush and mint toothpaste provided and stared at my reflection for a good few minutes as my brain processed that the person with tiger ears and a flicking, striped tail looking back at me wasn't an enemy, i trudged to the living room, and turned on the tv, and switched it from the vhs player to the cable box. after a few minutes of switching between channels filled with gimmicky dramas and children's early morning cartoons, i found out that today was may 28th 2007, a monday. i groaned, and pushed up onto my feet, and went back to my room, and tried to put an outfit together out of my limited clothing options, which was one pair of nike sneakers found in a bargain bin, one best buy shirt, one pair of dark jeans, one pair of khaki pants, and one dark green army jacket. on a hunch, i walked over to the closet with a white door, and pulled it open.

i was met with a navy blue pullover sweater made out of soft fabric, a short sleeved white dress shirt with a silk red tie, a black pleated skirt that would probably reach to my knees, and black knee high stockings with black slip on uniform shoes, all either hanging on metal hangers or on the wooden floor. laying by the shoes was a large black suitcase, with my books for school, i guessed. a handwritten note was pasted to the back of the closet, so i took out the clothes on the hangers and looked at it.

the note read:

“dear roi samsonov,

you might still be confused about the things i told you to do earlier. the reason why you are assigned to pose as a senior in high school is because the human agents are high schoolers in senior year at this time. you’re probably sick of high school now that you're in a college you enjoy (i was too), but remember, this is for the good of the earth! 

the high school you will attend is “korea kent foriegn school” in gwangjin-gu. i have provided directions and money for food, train fees, and clothes. i hope that these clothes aren't too tacky for you, i tried my best to imagine what a 20 year old person would wear if forced to front as a high school girl.

your paperwork is already filed away, so don't worry! you aren't just walking into the school without any papers to indicate your enrollment. i put that you were enrolled in a homeschooling program in canada, so there's no other worries about lying about your academic history. however, your name has been shortened to ‘samson’ to differentiate your cover as a separate person than your younger self.

best wishes for your first day!”

i looked down at the clothes in my arms and contorted my face in thought. the outfit was cute, sure, but a little too feminine for my tastes. i shrugged, deciding to just give up and wear it anyway, because it was either these clothes or my Best Buy uniform. i walked into the bathroom to change, and noticed, while looking in the mirror, that my ears and tail were still out. i closed my eyes and put my hands to the top of my head, concentrating deeply on trying to make my ears disappear. surprisingly, when i opened my eyes again, my ears had disappeared from sight, and my tail was gone as well. that’s good, i thought, i have control over the tiger parts of my appearance. i started to put on my clothes, picking up the folded directions and envelope containing money from the inside of my shoes, and putting my cellphone and the papers in my shoes in the bag. 

after getting my clothes together, i walked to the kitchen to fix myself something to eat. after looking through the white cabinets and drawers of the kitchen practically overflowing with food, i made myself a simple breakfast of toast with jam, and ate it while watching the news on the couch in the living room. it felt odd to know the outcome to almost all the news stories playing on tv, or even what would happen next. it felt like i was watching a movie over again, and feeling the sense of dread and seeing the foreshadowing that i knew meant that nothing good was going to happen to the protagonists. i decided to get a caffeinated soda at a convenience store on the way to school instead of fiddling with the coffeemaker in the kitchen closet to get my usual burst of caffeine in the morning, which could cost me significant amounts of time to catch my train. and with that thought, i turned off the tv, and left the apartment, and locked the door. i walked through the light colored hallways, took the metal elevator again and walked out onto the warm streets of a springtime seoul, with grey buildings reaching the sky and colorful storefronts, less radiant than they were when it was night. 

i managed to catch my train on time, but as i got on the metallic train filled with people going to work or to school, something angry stirred inside of me that i couldn't identify at first, and i pushed it aside as a weird manifestation of my anxiety. but as i sat down on the bench, between a businessman and two schoolgirls chattering about a pop star, i began to feel uncomfortable, like someone was intruding in my house, without my permission. my leg began to bounce in a tic, and i looked around the train quickly in an irrational search for anyone could hurt me if i showed any signs of weakness, suddenly feeling an urge to show that i was more powerful than any of the people in this subway car, that i could kill all of them without even thinking too hard about it. my rational side tried to restrain myself from attempting to show dominance to random passengers, some of whom were already uncomfortable with the angry person sitting on the train tapping their fingers violently on their knee, and inching away slowly. why was i acting so irrationally territorial on a subway car, out of all places?

of course, my mind forced up a random fact to explain my behavior that I learned, and somehow retained after 2 years, while doing most of a project on bengal tigers for biology class in grade 11 to the front of my mind. my memory reminded me that tigers in general, not just the bengal tiger, were one of the many solitary big cats, living in their own territory, and fighting other tigers that intruded to show dominance, or they would lose their territory or die. so naturally, the tiger instincts in my brain probably saw the inside of the subway car and thought that this was the same car as last night because of how similar the subway cars look, and saw the new people, and thought they were intruding on my ‘territory’, and that some of them might threaten me. this was odd, because all of the fictional media i had seen about humans fused with cats or who were half cat had the cutesy instincts, like meowing frequently or sleeping a lot, and not the urge to attack some random person on a commuter train that looked suspicious to their tiger mind. unfortunately, at least for me, unlike those books and tv shows of cat people getting the cute instincts, the fusion of my dna and that of an amur tiger didn't end at just cat ears and a tail and the ability to control them at will, or just sleeping a lot. i had the instincts of an amur tiger as well, which seemed to be only natural, you just don't have one or the other when you're fused with the genetic material of an antisocial giant cat. 

to distract my inner tiger from attempting to attack the businessman next to me for looking at me a weird way, i decided to read the brochure of kent that was given to me, and pulled it out of my suitcase, and flipped through it. i learned that kent was a private school that had a K-12 program, used mostly english for its classes because of its international cast of students, and that english was an ‘international’ language, the tuition was extremely expensive, and the classes ran like an american public school, which i had no experience with to feel positive or negative about, because i was enrolled in public canadian schools my whole life, with religious classes on the side, mainly to further my education in the jewish faith like maman wanted all of our family to do, so that i could be proud of my jewish heritage unlike my ancestors, who had to flee pogroms in europe and hid their religion before that. i heard the gwangjin-gu station get called, and i sat up and walked towards the metal door on the right, and swore i heard a sigh of relief. 

i stepped off of the train, and walked up the grimy steps to the surface of the city, to the sunny sky of gwangjin-gu, colorful store signs lining the streets, advertising for food, clothing and other things, and i looked around for a nearby convenience store to buy a caffeinated soda. after finding one a few blocks away from the school, and i opened the door and stepped inside, and the door made a mechanical ding, stepping into a small white tiled store, with rows of shelves and fridges for perishable goods. after a few minutes of searching through the confusing aisles of the convenience store, i found a coke, and i bought it and walked out of the store. i opened my drink, and continued my walk to school in the crowded streets of gwangjin-gu while drinking the soda i bought. after a few more minutes of walking, i saw a white banner on a flag post that read “KOREA KENT FOREIGN SCHOOL” in big english letters by a large, brown building, that i presumed was the school. kids of all ages and of all nationalities were walking across the entrance into the school, and i quickly turned into the entrance and walked to school, trying to blend into the crowd of people, and feeling severely disappointed and upset that i had to become a high schooler again. i hated high school, hated the environment, hated the bratty kids who went there, and having to return to it was the worst thing to happen to me, other than doing a fusion dance with a giant cat that could easily murder me against my will, getting dumped in 2007 without prior warning, and having to work double shift a few days before i was taken, and therefore getting off at 11pm and getting minimal sleep, at best buy because one employee didn't show up.

after entering the school and asking around, i was led to the guidance counselor’s office, which was a sparsely furnished place, with only one large wooden table, and a desk with a computer in the corner. the guidance counselor was a tall, thin woman, maybe in her late thirties, early forties, dressed in a formal dress shirt and skirt. i had sat at the far end of the table, sitting up straight with my hands in my lap, and looking her in the eyes with a smile, trying to look professional and high schooler like, and less like an angry and disrespectful college student trying to pass off as a high school student because they were forced to by someone on a vhs tape. we both introduced ourselves, and went down to business about my classes.

the whole conversation was nothing i hadn't heard before from other teachers when i was actually high school age, and i can't remember it very well now, probably because i shut the entire conversation out of my mind, as well as those other conversations with me and my parents, i remember that mainly she raised concern about the fact i had a mental illness that affected my daily life and also the fact i grew up speaking québécois french for a good 6 years of my life, and had an obvious french accent when speaking english. i assured my guidance counselor that i would be fine in normal classes, and that i was fluent enough in english, but if i had any problems with my classes, i would talk to her about them. at the end of this conversation, i was handed my schedule, and the counselor lead me to my first class of the day, which was korean language class on the second floor of the school.

when we reached the classroom after passing through several hallways as the counselor told me where the most essential rooms were and gave me a paper with my classes on them, she opened the dark colored door, and i followed. the classroom was a medium sized room, with kids of varying racial backgrounds writing things down in their notebooks as a young, possibly european judging by his accent, male teacher talked to them about the lesson. when i walked into the room with my counselor, the students looked up from their books, clearly interested in the red-headed person entering the room. i felt embarrassed by this attention, and fidgeted with my fingers behind my back, as i looked around the room, trying to avoid the prying eyes and the babbling whispers of my soon-to-be peers as the counselor and the teacher talked to each other, probably discussing my entry into my class. the tiger instincts i had kept pushed down throughout the walk to school bubbled up again, and it screamed at my human side to stay on guard, because any of these people could be an agent of that conspiracy, wasn't that why you were enrolled in the first place? any of them could kill me if they found out what i really was, what my true allegations were, why i was here in the first place. i pushed the instincts back down again, trying to muffle the anxiety and the headache the tiger parts of me was giving me.

“class,” the teacher spoke up, over the students talking, and instantly all whispering became silent. “we have a new transfer student joining our class. would you care to introduce yourself, miss…?” i swallowed thickly, trying to shake off my nerves, and my tiger sides anxiety over my classmates.

“my name is roi samson, i am 18 years old, and i am from montreal, in canada.” i said in a flat tone, trying to sound like i wasn't fighting with a part of myself that was perpetually on alert and angry. “nice to meet you.”

(i’ll kill any of you if you threaten or provoke me, my tiger half snarled, but i forced myself not to say it.)

i was sat down in a desk in the middle of the room, with people behind, beside, and in front of me. i stretched slightly and opened my suitcase, and pulled out a green covered notebook from my suitcase, and shut my suitcase and left it at my feet. as the teacher continued his lesson, i looked around at my peers, to study them to decide if one was suspicious , most of whom were fixated on the lesson on levels of formality in the korean language that was being given to them instead of me. however, my brain’s focus on finding facts about my peers by inference snagged on the girl sitting on my left, and when i realized why my brain was so focused on the pretty girl with the dark hair falling in her oval-shaped face, hunched over her own notebook, who had noticed me staring at her while my mind went blank and now was looking over at me with warm dark crescent shaped eyes and a thin pink (nervous) smile instead of telling me to stop staring at her, my stomach suddenly surged and felt like i had been punched in the gut and i felt nauseous and light headed and disgusting and, and, and, and…!!!

i know her! 

i remember her!

i...

(i remember her… i remember being 15… remember sitting, curled up in a blanket with my 13 year old half-sister hana… in front of my laptop. hana was staying over for the night with her dad, who was a family friend of maman and mom, and was, technically, my dad as well.

nine girls were dancing to upbeat pop music on a bright stage with flashy clothes, and singing along with the backing music. hana had insisted on showing me this group, saying that they were great at singing, and that they were extremely popular in korea at the time. hana was always connected with her culture, more so than i was at 15, because her mom had immigrated very  
recently from korea, and wanted hana and her brother to be proud of their heritage. 

even back then, my thoughts caught on that same pretty girl, with styled blonde hair this time, but had the same warm dark eyes, oval face and the thin, pink, smile. this time, she was wearing a pink jacket with a white crop top and white shorts that exposed her toned thighs, which had the effect of hypnotizing me further.

“which girl do you like the best, roi?” hana asked me, with a wry smile on her face, and a nudge to my ribs. “c’mon, there's gotta be one you prefer!”

“w-which one is the one with the blonde hair?” i had asked quietly, feeling the bright red flush on my face. hana laughed loudly, and jabbed me in the ribs again.

 

“you really like her, don't you?” hana teased, and i hid my burning face in my hands. “i’ve never seen you this flustered before!”

“her name is-)

“hey...” jenny kim, the jenny kim of the girl group girls’ world, the same girl i was infatuated with as a teenager, whispered shyly in english to me, to me! and i didn't know what to feel about at all.

i was trying and failing to feel anything but the warm pangs of adoration i last felt towards her years ago. i had grown out of her, or maybe just muffled it, when i was 18, and had moved on to work obsessively towards my animation career, and to get enrolled in the best animation school in canada. but the instant that i met her in real life, the part of me that loved her burst through the walls of my consciousness and forcibly took control.

my rational mind begged for my tiger side to freak out again about something minuscule to put my mind off of the fact that i was practically embarrassing myself in front of jenny.

the tiger side was surprisingly and conveniently silent, and it frustrated my rational side to no end.

i’d done so many embarrassing things because of her when i was in high school wrote long fanfictions about my love for her, put posters all over my wall, frequently mimed hugging her and kissing her with said posters, and made intensive amounts of fan art of her, some of which took me weeks to complete. i was devoted to her when i was a teenager, and i’ve pictured how it would play out in my mind before. but usually they were at fan meets, or a concert in montreal or toronto, where she would spot me and fall in love instantly, and we would get married in a large, beautiful synagogue in montreal, despite our culture forbidding our love, and living out our lives in a large house in the woods of french canada. i imagined all of those situations possibly happening to me, but i did not imagine me going 4 years into the past (at the time of my fascination) to just before her debut, and to be forcibly enrolled into her high school as a student, and this all happening when i was a 20 year old animator posing as a high schooler. this wasn't romantic in the slightest, more like a really cliche drama plot than something that could actually happen to someone. and yet, somehow, it happened to me!

instead of throwing up or passing out on my desk like every other story about involuntary time travel and celebrities, i managed to keep myself together. i didn't want to freak her out, and i really just wanted this school day to end right now, so that i could go back home and freak out properly there.

“hey.” i smiled nervously, and went back to my notebook to hopefully get some work done instead of focusing on the girl i dreamed about dating for 4 years.

i did not do much that class period, instead, i was haunted by that thin pink smile that had trapped me in the clutches of unrequited love again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway, i was away for two weeks in july, and i managed to plan out the 5,6, and 7 chapters, so expect a wait as i flesh them out
> 
> (follow me at @vanished420 on twitter or yoiko-yokochou on tumblr)


	4. 4 (in the many unknowable paths i follow a dim light it’s something we’ll do together to the end into the new world)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> song is into the new world by snsd

after what seemed like 5 hours of internal monologue about how i should get over my growing crush for jenny, the class ended. i gathered my things together, and looked at my paper schedule. i had lunch next, which was something i conveniently forgot about when i went to school at the beginning of the day. well, i thought, i could play russian roulette and get cafeteria food, which could range through “ok” to “absolutely rancid”, sneak out and buy street food, which also could be in the same categories as cafeteria food, scavenge through the garbage to try to find something to eat, or find a wild pigeon in the courtyard and catch it and eat it raw, or maybe look for a de-

“hey... do you have lunch right now?” jenny put her warm hand on my shoulder, and i jumped in shock. jenny only reached up to my shoulders when standing up, so she was standing on her tippy toes, wearing blue jeans and a green short sleeved t-shirt. she held her hands behind her back and looked somewhat nervous.

“y-yeah, i do.” i said, scratching my head lightly, and looked at the nervous girl with a curious expression. “why?”

“do you want to eat lunch with me?” jenny asked, shying away from me and shoving her hands halfway in her jean pockets. “i mean, if you have nothing else to do…”

“sure.” i smiled, and we both walked out of the classroom into the white hallways of the school. jenny looked over at me quickly, as if she was expecting me to say something about myself, but looked away quickly when she noticed that i was looking at her with a slight pink tint on her face. i wondered what exactly she was embarrassed about, but i stopped myself from thinking that just because she blushed while looking at me, she was attracted to me. that was just wishful thinking on my part, there was no way the she would instantly fall in love with me. that never happens in real life, only in stupid romantic movies! she probably is just embarrassed about something, and i have no knowing of what it is. didn't she say in an interview that she was naturally shy, which means she’s just a little nervous. that's it! she’s nervous to talk to me because i’m a new student! it was only when we were walking towards the cafeteria in the ground floor that jenny finally spoke up.

“so…” jenny said lowly, almost a whisper, looking over at me again. “you're from canada, huh?”

“yep.” i said with a small smile, “are you from canada too?”

“no, los angeles.” jenny said, smiling slightly. “it’s just nice to see someone else who’s also from an english speaking country, someone who has similar experiences to me. i’m jenny by the way.”

“nice to meet you.” i nodded, smiling slightly. that coaxed a bigger smile from jenny, and we walked into the cafeteria. we both stepped in line for food, i ordered some bibimbap, which looked surprisingly more edible than the bland school lunches i knew as a child, paid for it, and me and jenny walked to the red metal tables out in the courtyard of the school, which was a long sea of green grass and flowering pink and green trees, with many other students sitting on the grass. jenny had bought chicken curry, and was mixing the yellow sauce with her rice in earnest, and i copied her actions with my bibimbap, mixing the vegetables, cooked egg, and meat together.

“why’d you come to korea, anyway?” jenny asked, looking at me with her cute, warm eyes, and i felt a flush of red across my cheeks. 

“me? my dad’s korean, so he wanted to experience part of my heritage that i couldn't experience in canada.” i smiled through my obvious lie, taking a bite of my bibimbap, which was surprisingly really really good. i guess because i was in an elite private school, they would have better lunches than the ones i had at my high school, probably because of their expensive tuition. or it could be because of the beef in the rice-vegetable-egg-beef mixture, which was satisfying my inner carnivore, who wanted nothing more than some form of meat, even if it was raw deer meat found in some random park or side of a street, which probably would be festering with parasites and disease. “why are you here?”

“o-oh, i’m joining an, uh, girl group in july…” jenny whispered lowly, as if not to let anyone else hear about her extracurricular activities, probably so that no one would leak it to the press. she smiled slightly, shy about mentioning her to someone she barely knew. “i-i’m a main singer in it…”

“so… this girl group is something like tlc and the spice girls?” i feigned not knowing what a girl group was, or what girl group she was talking about, even though i knew exactly what both of those were, and every single fact about them. “like you sing and dance around to pop music?”

“yeah!” jenny exclaimed, causing the other students scattered around the yard to look up, jolting forward in her seat, and suddenly her eyes got bright, excited look in them, and her smile grew larger, i wanted to see that look until the eventual heat death of the universe. i wanted her to look at me like that, like i was the best thing in the universe. like she could love me forever, like i could, like i have done. her smile turned sheepish as she realized how loud she was, and that sudden change in expression let my self-hatred sneak through to shame me for falling in love with someone who could probably never love me back. “s-sorry, i’m really excited about debuting, and singing to an audience in general…”

“i don't blame you. i would be excited about debuting too.” i smiled, between bites of my lunch, feeling a mixture of love and disgust at my inner thoughts waging a war in my stomach. “you should tell me when you finally do put music out, or have a concert, i’ll make sure to go support you.” 

“thank you roi!” jenny showed me that wonderful smile again, and laughed, laughed! a short, unsure laugh, probably because i was creeping her out with my sudden eagerness to support her after just meeting her an hour before, but a laugh nonetheless! i fell further into the gravitational pull of love, which was threatening to swallow my entire being, and make me a twisted thing only devoted to jenny kim, her servant. 

“no problem.” i said, smiling warmly, finishing my lunch and putting my chopsticks down on the metal tray. jenny fidgeted with her chopsticks, intimidated by the silence between us. i wracked my brain to say something to her that wasn't “you’re extremely attractive” or “i was kidnapped and forced to this school against my will and i don't know what to do next”, but my mind had gone blank. hey, my mind scolded me, trying in vain to get me to talk and continue our conversation, this is not the time to forget all the social skills you’ve developed over years of therapy! think! think! you have one chance to try to befriend the girl you’ve had a crush on for almost the entire time you were in high school. say something that will give you a fighting chance to gain her affections!

“w-where do you live?” jenny mumbled quietly, jolting me from my thoughts, and she noticed my shocked expression, and flushed a bright red. “u-uh i mean… where in seoul do you live? sorry if i scared you...”

“it's fine. i live in seocho district.” i laughed, waving jenny’s concern off, even though i secretly enjoyed it. jenny looked at me with wide eyes, which was surprising. was seocho a bad part of town? it seemed like it was a decent part of town, but i had only been there for a day at the most, so i don't think i would know.

“you don't live in itaewon?” jenny asked with a tone of amazement. “really?”

“no i don't, uh, why?” i asked, which garnered a weird look from jenny. 

“itaewon is where most of the foreigners live, by the us military base. i just expected you to live there, i guess.” jenny said, shrugging lightly. just then, i heard a loud two-tone bell, signaling the end of the class period, with people who were sitting on the lawn walking back in. both jenny and i stood up, and walked across the paved stone path to school back together. 

“but you should probably go to itaewon though. here, i’ll write down the name” jenny smiled slightly, wiping off her shirt, grabbing a scrap of paper and a pen. she wrote itaewon in hangul and the english alphabet. “there's a bunch of really good western restaurants there. when i first came here, i ate there when i missed home, and it helped me get over homesickness, so it might help you.” i nodded in acknowledgment, not sure how to tell jenny that i doubted that itaewon had a french-canadian restaurant with authentic poutine or pizza-ghetti. instead, i told her that i would definitely check it out when i get settled from my ‘move’.

the rest of the day passed by extremely fast, with jenny sharing many classes with me, which made my classes less monotonous. we bonded over our mutual hatred of calculus, our similar tastes in music (we both had a mutual love of tlc, destiny’s child, and other american pop music), and fashion. words seemed to come faster for us now, so i guessed that i didn't completely mess up and ruin any chances with her, romantic or not. soon, the school day ended at around 3pm, and i found myself at a loss of what to do next, as jenny had told me she had go to her dance practice with her group in gangnam. i probably should go shopping for clothes next, because i was definitely not wearing my best buy shirt to school, which had my real name on it. i walked a few blocks, dodging the flood of other students coming from every direction, to the convenience store again, and looked around to try to find a snack to eat with my cola, because i was craving something unhealthy for my body that would cut my lifespan down, and was picking through chip brands on a white shelf, trying to find a flavor i would like. 

as i picked out some laver flavored chips, even though the tiger in me insisted on getting meat again, i heard a loud buzzing noise from my suitcase, and i opened it on the suspicion that my phone was receiving a call. please god, let it not be my parents, i begged, as i pulled my iphone out from under my notebook, before making sure no one was in the same aisle as me that could see a futuristic device that wouldn't be released until 10 years later. no one was in the aisle, or the store even, other than the cashier, and the girl manning the cash register was far away, far enough not to see me in her line of sight.

thankfully, the person calling me wasn't mom, maman, any family members, but sami. wait, sami? why would sami be calling me? how is he calling me? does he want me to stream today? have i been missing for 5 days, and he's calling in some blind attempt to try to find me by tracing my signal? i picked up anyway, to find my answer.

“what's up?” i asked, putting my phone to my ear. the first thing i heard was panicked heaving, which immediately caused my brain to run in overdrive. where is he? 

“roi! oh my god roi! y-you're the first person to pick up!” sami yelled into the phone, causing me to wince in pain and push my phone away from my ear. there was a loud banging noise on the other line, loud enough to be heard on my phone, and sami yelled something angry and scared in persian, and began to breathe faster.

“ok, now that my right ear’s destroyed, could you tell why you called?” i asked, rubbing said ear with my free hand to soothe it.

“i just woke up, alright?” sami was still yelling, his voice blasting through my speakers, but easier to bear because of its distance from my face. “i fuckin woke up.”

“that's good. people normally do that.” 

“shut the fuck up. anyway, i woke up, and i’m not in my bed, ok?”

“ok, you're not in your bed, please continue.” i said, walking up to the cashier to buy my snacks. i mouthed ‘sorry’ before i left, and sat on the metal bench outside.

“i’m sitting up, which is odd, because you usually don't sleep sitting up in beds, and i don't remember sleeping sitting up, yknow? i don't even remember sleeping at all! so I wake up, i’m sitting up in a cramped space, i can barely feel my arms or my legs, and i have no idea where the fuck i am.” sami continues, voice wavering. “and no one else is picking up my fucking calls! no one! other than you, but it doesn't even ring for everyone else, just plays a message in some fucking language, don't fucking ask me which one!” 

wait…

that sounds a lot like...

“check your carrier.” 

“what?” sami asks incredulously.

“you fucking heard me, check your cell phone carrier” 

“ok, whatever the fuck you say, roi.” sami scoffed, and i hear some shuffling, and sami groaning in annoyance, and then, suddenly... “fuck. fuck.”

“is it ‘kt’?”

“yeah…” sami breathes out in shock. “t-that's definitely not my carrier…”

“you're in the same situation as i was in yesterday.” i said, standing up, and starting to pace. “can you get out?”

i hear some shuffling, and then silence, other than sami’s erratic breathing. suddenly i hear a loud metallic slam, a grunting noise and the sami’s voice.

“yeah, i’m out.” he says, then he pauses, and another slamming noise. “i-i was in a locker.”

“better than where i ended up. where are you?” i ask, listening carefully.

“in a building, but i’m in front of a window, and… there's a sign outside, hold on.” i hear footsteps on what sounds like linoleum flooring. “somewhere called, uh, i-t-a-e-w-o-n.”

“itaewon.” i repeated.

“i guess?” sami asked, a twinge of anxiety in his voice. “can you call the cops or something? i don't think there's a place called ‘itaewon’ in new york city…”

“no, i’m close by, i’ll pick you up.” i spluttered, jogging to the train station, passing by various store fronts and people going places, which was nearby. “stay put.”

“wait, you're close by?” sami shouted, obviously angry. “how the fuck are you close by? you're supposed going to school in that ‘great’ animation school in canada, right? not wherever this fucking ‘itaewon’ is!” i ran into the train station and quickly asked the lady at the ticket booth for train tickets for itaewon station, and pulled out some cash and flung it on the counter.

“didn't you fucking hear me? i said the same shit happened to me!” i yelled back, agitated by the insinuation that i was intentionally skipping my college classes, by my own volition. i got my tickets and rushed to the underground portion of the station, where the train was going to be, just in time, because the train was pulling up, and i dashed inside. “i’m coming in a few minutes, so don't worry!” i hung up quickly and breathed a sigh of exhaustion, and took a seat.

even though sami could be exhausting sometimes, we were still close friends. we met when we were both 16 on a messaging board dedicated to video games. i was ‘jennykimfan15’, he was something around the line of ‘sapsquanch’ or something ridiculous like that. we posted on the same boards frequently, and we fought each other in arguments over things that i don't remember, but against all odds, we slowly became friends. we both met up when we were 18, and hung out around his hometown of new york city before i went off to college, with sami showing me around times square and other places around the city, and teasing me for eating a hot dog from a street stand out of desperation. (“not only is it against both of our religions, but it's from a random street stand! was it really worth it, man?”) but, a few years ago, when we were barely 19, he asked me to help him set up a streaming community with a few of his other friends, and see if we could actually get people watching us, i agreed on a whim, and the rest became history.

so… if sami was forced into the past too, i thought to myself, leg twitching, wouldn't he be fused with an animal too? what kind of animal would he be? i immediately pictured him as a nervous mouse, or a mischievous fox who would mess with me. he would probably be fused with an animal with less severe instincts than me, possibly to hold me down from getting consumed by instincts. i amused myself with listing off the animals sami could possibly be, until i heard the crackle of the train speakers, a robotic voice that said ‘itaewon station’, then a mechanical bell a few seconds later, alerting the passengers again. i stood up, and walked towards the opening metal doors.

as i exited the station again, with the sinking sun reflected in the large windowed buildings instantly blinding me and reducing me to covering my eyes and growling loudly. itaewon seemed to be teeming with people, overflowing like bugs. all sorts of people seemed to be walking around, tourists and residents alike, loitering around shops with large signs in english and korean, talking with friends, and going through street stands. i could blend in with the people here a little easier, instead of having to front the entire time, like in school or walking to my house. i grabbed my phone and called sami again as i stood in the middle of a busy walkway. after a few rings, i heard him pick up his phone.

“where are you?” i asked, scanning the crowds of people for a young scruffy iranian man standing around aimlessly in a tshirt and sweats that haven't been washed in 3 days.

“i’m sitting in front of the lockers, rethinking my life decisions that lead me to this moment.” sami replied in a monotone, but i knew that he was just scared, not upset at me.

“o-kay. could you peek outside and try to locate an address, so i can find you?” i asked calmly, trying not to lose my nerve.

i heard some scuffling as sami got up, and walked over to the door, loud noises of people talking and cars running as he peeked outside, and then the slam of the door.

“158 itaewon-ro.” sami read, and i quickly looked at the nearest building for its address. 102. okay, i’m far, but not too far.

“got it. i’ll see you there.” i said, and hung up again. i sped up my movements and put my phone in my suitcase. i looked over at the buildings again. 114. i’m closer.

i jog a few paces, hearing stuff bump around in my suitcase as i move, squeezing through crowds of people., and suddenly, everything is far too loud, street noise booming in my ears. everything smells awful, and i try my best to concentrate on looking forwards, trying to ignore everything for this one task. look over again. 128. 30 to go. i feel a dull ache in my legs, and i know i’m completely out of shape, but i continue.

i squeeze between two people in a very important conversation, judging by their expressions at me when i run past. look over. 136, close. i’m close, stop breathing so heavy! you're almost there, you can make it!

i’m dizzy and exhausted by the time i reach 158, and i stumble forward to the steps by the building, and look up at the building towering above me. compared to the other buildings, it's tiny, like a child hiding between its parents, made of red brick and grey stone, and every opening on it had been mostly boarded up with wooden planks, except for one windowed door, and i practically crawl towards it, opening it, and standing up wobbly to walk through the door.

“sami?” i yell, and i hear loud thumping coming towards me, and soon sami has leaped on me, hugging me tightly. normally i would’ve told him off for touching me when i was in a state of violent sensory overload, but i hadn't seen him in months, so i let him hug me, and sob warm tears into my shoulder.

“i was so scared roi, i was so fucking scared!!” sami babbles incoherently between his sobs, and i rub his back to comfort him. slowly, sami’s sobs quiet, and he lets go of my sweater.

“s-sorry for ruining your sweater…” sami says sheepishly, but i shake my head. sami looks almost the same as when i saw him during the summer, only a little less tan from being a shut in, with scruffy long hair covering his warm, dark brown eyes, and thick stubble. he was wearing a dark, long sleeved tshirt, with what appeared to be an light brown aviator jacket covering it, and dark blue jeans. he reaches only to my chin, and has a thinner frame than my stocky one.

“no problem, i can just wash it.” i say with a slight smile. “how about we go back to my house and talk about what happened there, instead of risking getting arrested for trespassing? i can buy you train tickets.”

sami nods, not questioning the ‘house’ part, but who could blame him really with all that's happened to him, and we both walk out the door, into the city. as we started our walk back to the train station, both of us too tired and freaked out to talk to each other, i noticed something poking out of the bottom of sami’s brown jacket, something white, but dark at the tip. sami reached his hand to his back to itch it through his jacket, and i watched as the object fell out of his jacket. long after it floated slowly to the ground of the building we had just left as we walked away, my brain registered what the object was.

it was a feather.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EwigAdFHxTo
> 
> (follow my twitter @vanished420)


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